phatedeath

為了感情而煩惱
是不是很不值得?


隨著我們長大
我們會因為越來越實際
而讓感情問題單純化嗎?

好像以前都過於感情用事
所以常常讓事情很複雜



是不是現在只想顧慮到
你是不是我的 妳有沒有做不該做的事
好像忠誠是一個高標準

在大人的世界
分手的理由好簡單
你沒錢 再見
妳不在身邊 再見
你劈腿 再見
妳去跟別人上床 再見


沒有什麼
"雖然你很過分 但我還是好愛你 該原諒你嗎?"



原來妳這麼現實.
"donny不知道的事情是不會傷害他的"
我不知道原來妳那麼天真
覺得事情不會傳到我這裡

妳真的是...讓我作噁.


我不想多評論什麼
because they say that
if you have nothing to say,
then don't say it.

我什麼都不多說了
大概也沒什麼好說吧
我早就不在乎了啊


也許是因為妳故意忽略我
讓我對妳的思念與感情減少了
尤其是這兩周啊.

我心上的人 不是妳了...




我想我算是失戀了?
不知道失戀的定義是什麼.

無所謂啦不重要了
重要的是



我現在可以專心去補星流浪了.

"Hey Meagan!(walks up)Will you...take a...picture...with me?"



Meagan謝謝妳,我真的好喜歡妳.

而經過這些時間我也發現,我真的沒喜歡錯人(笑).




I'll never change myself,

And we'll stay in touch :)

一小段書寫體文字中能透露多少訊息?


Dear Donny,
Well I want to start off by saying i wish
we had met sooner in the year. And I'm sorry I seem so
stand off-ish at times. But for the time I did get to talk
to you, and get to know you I'm glad I did. Thanks
for being a friend and just being there to talk to,
you really don't realize how much that means to me.
Never change ----(oops!) who you are ok? and stay in touch!
(side note: don't be afraid to randomly walk up and
say hi or whatever ok? I don't care if you scare
me... it's normal for me to get scared haha)
anywho have a great summer.

-Meagan



---------

今天終於發yearbook了,快放學時我就從教室偷溜走XD
免得要大排長龍,人擠人.

我一拿到就馬上找Meagan的照片,她笑得好可愛.

而後來就看到她.....

我鼓起勇氣傳簡訊:would you sign my yearbook?
因為她本來就在用手機,她馬上就回:拿來我才能簽

我就滿臉陽光地走向她(笑)
她看著我,笑了出來.

寫下那一大段文字.




今天下午,90度華氏.

樹蔭下草皮上的我,哭了.



我很高興,又很感動,又很傷心...


thank you, Meagan.

跪了下去.
他伸出右手輕輕滑過畫布表面,
"那是她的臉."

-------------


中餐過後的第一節課,是數學.
青少年想起今天有個三角函數的小考,不禁偷笑.
"五分鐘應該能寫完吧,剩下時間就..."
他得意地走進教室.

果然,青少年又是第一個交卷.
用一種模範生的笑容,他走向數學老師.
"老師,我可以去圖書館自習嗎?"
青少年輕鬆取得離開的特權.

在活動中心外有個展覽,包含各種學生藝術作品.
這是青少年的目的.
上午就來這一次了,青少年只為了一幅畫而去.
精確地說,是為個一個人.

在展覽廳略覽一番,意外遇見一群學生,
其中有著青少年的好朋友.
"欸,她又昏倒了."
青少年瞪大著眼,不發一語.

已經不是第一次了,青少年依然擔心著.
"Hey, 希望一切都好. :)"
用簡訊表達的關心,
希望透過螢幕傳送.

那群學生終於走了,青少年又獨自一人.
他緩緩地走向活動中心內部.
為了那一幅畫,
為了那一個人.

青少年平時即喜愛藝術,也努力地充實自己;
但那形式的自畫像是他從未見過的.
少女.
那少女的自畫像.

"那是她."
青少年一眼就認出.
他閉上眼,深呼吸數次.
接著全神貫注投入眼前的自畫像.

畫布上灑著灰階.
現實與鏡中映像兩張臉,看著同一方向.
凌亂的頭髮遮蓋地眼,
微張的嘴似乎想說著什麼卻無言.

少女的筆觸很精湛,
鏡子折射的光線唬了青少年,
以為自己手機反光.
"原來是畫的一部分."

青少年佇立許久,
跪了下去.
他伸出右手輕輕滑過畫布表面,
"那是她的臉."

青少年哭了.
因為畫中少女是他愛戀許久的對象.
但他也明白,
他的愛是永遠無法被回報的.

接著青少年無意識地傾身,吻了那幅自畫像.
他吻了又吻.


青少年起身,
因為鈴聲過不久要響了.
不發一語,
他轉身離去.




一廂情願地不斷付出,
到底有沒有意義?
青少年已經不願多想,
畢竟以後再也看不到她了.

青少年想到他摯友網誌上的句子:
是你的,你終究會得到;
不是你的,強求也得不到.
"那些話根本就像是針對我的" 他搖搖頭.

青少年身邊的朋友長期以來同情著青少年,
也嘗嘗試著勸他.
"我無法走出,那就讓我陷更深吧"
他深褐色的雙眼透露出千言萬語的沉默.








-----------


"我愛妳."
青少年跪在自畫像前.
"我愛妳,謝謝妳."
他又吻了少女的自畫像.

You'll never know I'm after you.....


我請Marty幫我去問MH她覺得我如何(what she thinks about me)
(因為Marty欠我人情and錢XD)

MH:I think she's a really nice girl.



Hold My Hand


The way your hair swings over your eyes
The motor in my head turns
Wanting you for such a long time
In my mind, a heart, a lesson to learn

Do do do do do do do do
You'll never know,
I'm after you

Do do do do do do do do
You'll never know

And you smell like,
How angels oughta smell
And you look like
You're ready to go

So hold my hand
I'll take you everywhere
Anywhere
You wanna go

The way your words keep me in a line
I know what I'm here for
Waking up to the green of your eyes
It's something I'll get used to (Oh!)

Do do do do do do do do
You'll never know,
I'm after you

Do do do do do do do do
You'll never know

And you smell like,
How angels oughta smell
And you look like
You're ready to go

So hold my hand
I'll take you everywhere
Anywhere
You wanna go

So come on and hold my hand (Hold my hand)
I'll take you everywhere (Everywhere)
Anywhere
I'll take you anywhere
So let's go

The way your hair swings over your eyes
The way your words keep me in a line
I'm telling you for the very last time
You better know

And you smell like,
How angels oughta smell
And you look like
You're ready to go

So hold my hand
I'll take you everywhere
Anywhere
You wanna go

So come on and hold my hand (Hold my hand)
I'll take you everywhere (Everywhere)
Anywhere
You wanna go

Do do do do do do do do
Do do do do do do do do
Do do do do do do do do
Do do do do do do do do

So come on and hold my hand (Hold my hand)
I'll take you everywhere (Everywhere)
Anywhere
You wanna go

So come on and hold my hand (Hold my hand)
I'll take you everywhere (Everywhere)
Anywhere
You wanna go





Crazy For You - New Found Glory

Swaying room as the music starts
Strangers making the most of the dark
Two by two their bodies become one

I see you through the smokey air
Can't you feel the weight of my stare
You're so close but still a world away
What I'm dying to say, is that

I'm crazy for you
Touch me once and you'll know it's true
I never wanted anyone like this
It's all brand new, you'll feel it in my kiss
I'm crazy for you, crazy for you

Trying hard to control my heart
I walk over to where you are
Eye to eye we need no words at all

Slowly now we begin to move
Every breath I'm deeper into you
Soon we two are standing still in time
If you read my mind, you'll see

I'm crazy for you
Touch me once and you'll know it's true
I never wanted anyone like this
It's all brand new, you'll feel it in my kiss
(I'll feel it in my kiss)

Because I'm crazy for you,
Touch me once and you'll know it's true
I never wanted anyone like this
It's all brand new, you'll feel it in my kiss,
I'm crazy for you, crazy for you,

Crazy for you (Trying hard to control my heart)
I'm crazy for you (Trying hard to control my heart)

It's all brand new, I'm crazy for you
And you know it's true (yeah)
I'm crazy for you

It's all brand new, I'm crazy for you
And you know it's true (yeah)
I'm crazy for you



----

I'm trying to give up
yet it's so hard

I like you and I know it's true...
i guess I'm just crazy for her
her this giant crush

breathe. breathe deeply,
tell yourself,
it's just a crush.



she'll never like me like the way i like her.....

fuck it destiny.

I DID it.

四月九日二零零九年,


第二節下課的break,
圖書館.

我對MH表白了.



she's calm on the outside, but nervous in the inside.
she said she'll read the stuff i wrote her (the list).
she said we can still be friends.


but of course most of the times, it was me doing the talking.
she just looked at me and nodded. and looked at me...


she's so beautiful. and cute.
her hair. her eyes. her expression.
her voice...

how she walked and how she moved...




i kinda feel better now.

一種舒坦.


and i'm glad tomorrow is a half day,
so i wont get to see her that much tomorrow...


i do. i do really like her.





ugh, after I did it, I was like, "OMG i finally f---ing did it!"




Anyways.

YES I TOLD HER I LIKE HER!!!



"I really like you."









(這是我人生,第一次真正主動的告白...)



-------
更新:

今天晚上時,她在myspace傳一封message來 :)

我果然沒有喜歡/admire錯人
she's really...awesome.


I feel so happy right now.
not overwhelmed, just... satisfied with life.

Thank you.

I really, really like you.

五十五個喜歡妳的理由。

 

這是由我獨立寫出來的一分清單, 大概說明些為何我喜歡MH的理由.

五十五個喜歡梅根.黑妮的理由: (對,那是她名字.不想打英文,怕她Google自己會發現這個XD)

1.You're artistic  (I love artistic people!)
2.you're really attractive
3.I can't erase you from my mind since I first saw you   (it's true...)
4.I like your art works
5.You're really cute
6.I like how you said sorry just because you didn't talk to me when I was sitting next to you at the computers  (uber cute!!!!)
7.You said you're not photogenic (you must be lying!) but you still let me take a picture of you  (so kind of you XD)
8.Your smile is one of the most beautiful things on the world
9.I think your hair is really pretty   (I LOVE her hair)
10.You're really nice and friendly
11.I see sparkles in your eyes, which I hardly see in anyone else before   (honestly, it shines)
12.It makes me happy whenever you say hi to me.
13.You talk to me even though I probably act weird  (lots of people laugh at this one XD)
14.Just looking at you makes me happy like a lark
15.You're breathtaking   (litterally)
16.I found out that I can't stop thinking of you
17.I think your surprised-looking-face is really cute
18.Reading everything you write on myspace makes me giggle   (totally XD)
19.You can speak other languages than English  (French and German!)
20.Your tattoo is really awesome!  (Butterfly!!)
21.Your small hands are really adorable (and I want to hold them...)  (lots of people laugh at this one too)
22.I like your unique eyebrows  (it is SO unique)
23.I like your photos on myspace
24.You like Edgar Allan Poe
25.You have a very good taste in dressing
26.You use Gmail  (I know this sound stupid XD but true)
27.You look amazing no matter with or without make-up  (but she looks so different...)
28.When you're quiet, you're really quiet
29.You texted me back (when I thought you wouldn't)
30.You read the news on the computer  (never seen anyone else does it)
31.You can't remember your number, but I can
32.You're the first person who made me have the urge to play my guitar and sing you a song
33.I like your height  (so short XD so addorable XD)
34.I like how you carry your backpack
35.I like how you're really concentrate on what you're doing
36.You like Cirque de Freak
37.You added me on myspace
38.I believe the world is based on 5 elements: earth, fire, water, air, you  (I know this is so cheezy, but...it's a laugh haha)
39.Whenever you smile at me, I feel that life's good.
40.You have a special charm
41.I like your attitude
42.Since you say you have a bad memory, I think I can remember things for you
43.You remember my name
44.I love your voice  (it's so lovely!!)
45.I really admire you
46.I can't find my heart and I know you have it.
47.I think you're really cool
48.You're really different thatn others
49.I like all your facial expressions
50.I found that you're the only one I see when you're arround me
51.You made me realize that life can be colorful when I thought it was only black and white
52.Cupid whispered your name in my ears (another cheezy one hun....hehe)
53.I can't think of any reasons why I shouldn't like you
54.You're reading this!
55.I bet that if I could get to know you more, I can write up to 100 or even 1000 reasons why you're so awesome. :)

(oh, 別跟我說哪一點跟哪一點根本是一樣的東西,我才不管那個好嘛XD)

第一次寫這種東西...
我朋友還開玩笑說我應該把這寫上Poetry Shirt 然後給她看,
我怎麼敢啊XDDD

----

我有點不懂自己,
為什麼我會喜歡上一個完全陌生的人......
每當我看到她,我不自主的緊張.

Why???

----

總有一個時間,在她畢業之前,

我會用我最好看的筆跡,
用最真誠的心,
親手奉上.

很沮喪.



我是真的真的很喜歡她,說為她瘋狂其實不怎麼誇張.

好,現在我身邊比較熟的朋友都知道這點.
也都知道我現在有女朋友,但心中掛念著另一個女生.


我知道這樣很賤,也知道很不應該.
但先撇除這不談.
(因為前因後果實在有夠複雜,我又是個笨蛋= =)



近來,有股衝動想對她表白.
我並不是想aks her out,
就只是想表達愛慕之意罷了.



身邊的人有兩種意見:
1.快告白,免得你後悔(反正我知道一定會被拒絕,我原本也認同這個)
2.幹嘛告白,根本沒差

現在想想...對啊,
就算讓她知道我喜歡她,那又如何?
而且,也許連朋友也做不成.


可是大部分的人都覺得我該快告白
連我的顧問先生都不阻止我告白........


我已經寫了一份list
標題為:55 reasons why i like you

原本想給她.


而到此刻我又再猶豫.

我到底會不會後悔呢?


-----



即使要我開口
都有點困難

我曾有的自信到哪?
顧問先生說我現在就是少了一份自信



而那是我曾擁有的啊




是怎麼開始不相信自己

是怎麼開始忘卻夢想

是怎麼開始迷失

是怎麼開始

是怎麼開始

是怎麼開始







而此刻

我依然迷惑

也是因失去信仰

使得原本不曾懷疑的種種

如今全都不認得了

yup.

me is taken.


i'm dating.
i'm going out with someone.

but i don't feel well right now.
and i feel lost.

i don't know...why did i do this.
i must be crazy.

oh well.
lets just watch what happens shall we ;]

MH變成single了!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


(覺得我很白癡就狠狠的揍我一拳吧XD)

 

Who said who's not photogenic hun? *grin*

 

 

it's gonna be a bumpy night.

<出自All About Eve>


任何事經過愛的渲染,
就不會簡單.


1.
跟J男在情人節前聊天.

他說:其實我很想go out with you.
(意思:其實我很想跟你交往)

哈哈,I'm really flattered.
我之前就拒絕你一次你還喜歡我

J:You're really awesome. And you're super nice to me.
T:Thanks, i'm really flattered. but i don't think there's anything awesome about me.

J:well 1.youre asian 2.glasses! 3.you try to understand what i mean 4.you often make me laugh 5.youre fun
(請忽略文法錯誤)

lol,赫密斯也喜歡戴眼鏡的女生XD
(我好像都是喜歡沒戴眼鏡的...)

還好我拒絕他的理由很正當= =
不然我會覺得很尷尬(囧)



2.

對MH
好吧也許是個huge crush
但crush畢竟就是crush!!!!

崇拜
對我而言是一種很熟悉的情感

老實說,
就算她抽weed,
我也不在乎跟她交往.
(這把赫拉跟赫密斯嚇壞了XD)

She's so hot
很有個性
it's not just special,
it's unique.

I admire her.


赫密斯喜歡嘲笑我多麼喜歡MH
我試著掩飾,"我只是...喜歡她外表而已!"
她笑著回"yeah right,你才不是那種人呢~"

yay,所以她認為我不是外貌協會的:D



3.

赫拉一直說
我要主動 我要表現我的愛

I object.

I gave my love,
但妳推開我.
妳說,妳對他還沒over,無法接受下一個戀情.
在我眼中,妳的初戀情節仍在作祟,
每個人都知道他是個混蛋
就只有妳看不清

我還愛妳
但我不知道妳到底要什麼
so just let it be
我們,就先暫停.

you probably will think that i don't love you anymore,
no.

I love you still.
一直對妳主動,我很累.

to tell the truth,
i'm still waiting for you....


Now,我試著找到最好的方法對待妳...
思考著,我對妳而言到底是什麼?



4.

我一直在思考我到底對正妹over了沒


每次翻看那些回憶,
總會沉默的激昂.

for some point, 妳那句道歉我也許永遠無法接受.
but on the other hand,也許我也永遠無法get over妳.

David Archuleta - Crush


Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it real or just another crush?


這歌有點小傑-ish(笑)


看來M的出現
意外地化解我們的尷尬與沉默

我的確kinda have a crush on her
但只是因為她有點可愛

You rock my world
以為我就這麼把妳忘記嗎?

傻瓜.

只是想試著分散一點注意
一點我的注意
一點妳的注意


今天又很歡樂了
早上看到M的出現我就知道.


妳一定認為我在隱瞞妳什麼
現在告訴妳 就釋懷了




聽著C說妳地認真嚴肅 說妳喜歡我
我聽了好想大笑
"你們到底要什麼時候才要約會啊"
"為什麼妳認為我們要約會呢?"
"她喜歡你啊,你也喜歡她..."
"woah,妳怎知她喜不喜歡我?"
"她告訴我的啊."
(妳到底對多少人說.......汗)
(是怎樣 每個喜歡我的人都要到處宣傳....)


又想到上次心情超down
被J問著發生什麼事
瘋了似的笑 嚇到她
哈哈


喔妳真是個-母狗-(請自行翻譯成英文) 去妳的
甩了我還要到處跟別人說是我甩了妳
f___!


雖然有點無奈
但很高興妳笑著

我還是無法了解妳的笑背後是什麼
但如果妳在我面前是開心的

那我有什麼理有frown呢?





----


我還是不知道我是誰

也許在笑聲中 在關心中 在星空下


能找到 黃小拓.

打開衣櫃,在一整排的衣架衣服之中挑選今天的期待.



很多事情是因為看著別人所寫出來的典型故事,就對於那典型有小小的憧憬.

我就一直嚮往著穿有釦子那種一整套的睡衣,
還有,睡眼惺翁地打開衣櫃找衣服穿.

呵呵.


今天與她同樣穿著淺灰的t-shirt.
(還有黑色外套...當然啦,她穿我的外套!)

其實我有點開心.


----


"你今天又wrong了.怎麼了?" (就是不對勁的意思XD 我們的用語)

她總是能精準地看出我的心情...甚至我都沒發現.


我想了一整天,放學時給她答案:
"我又在壓抑情緒了.."


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在雪之中跳躍的妳,很可愛.


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不知為何昨天用中文寫"淘氣"這兩字時,無法克制地笑XD


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我爸媽竟然一派輕鬆地說,"想辦手機就給你辦啊,帳單自負就好.手機才幾十塊而已."

天啊!!!!!! 囧
這出我意料的答案讓我心中充滿不可思議.

既然你們都這麼說了,那我就接受啦(笑)


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下周三四五,就是期末考啦.(我們稱之EOC)

設計:正在做模型了...
歷史:考試 囧
英文:考試 囧
演講:選擇題的考試 耶
數學:選擇題的考試 耶
study skills:..............沒有考試! XDDDD

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You're just so right, ya know?

----

我一直認為妳好special...

我夠special嗎?


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我是不是連表情都無法控制了

因為心情整個攪和在一起

無法express任何expression.


自以為在笑...在別人眼中卻都是怒.........?

名字,是一種很神奇的魔咒.

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當你越喚著一個人的名字,
就會覺得兩人間的距離越近.


在情人之中更為明顯.

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當然,也有小例外.
例如名字一直被老師叫的時候,
有時你也許只會想離他越遠XD

不過,
仔細體會一下,
其實距離還是更近的喔(笑)


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很神奇,妳的名字,就是我們緣分的開始.

就在我手上那張紙,
妳的名字與電話.


----


Name. Name. Name.

What's your name?

----

妳喜歡妳的名字嗎?

妳的名字又是什麼意思,妳知道嗎?

----


妳的姓呢?

有什麼意義?歷史?


妳喜歡嗎?

----


每當妳喚著我的名字,

我的影子,越來越深.


----



妳的名字很美.

今年的聖誕節真是我有記憶以來最棒的聖誕節
又幸福又幸運

在某人家在一起一個下午

某人送的禮物真可愛^^
一隻叫squee的綠色章魚(她說看起來像我@@")
一個手環

還有一個吻.





在雪中畢竟是浪漫的啊.(上天真是顧眷我們,知道妳想要我們在一起時下雪^^)
(終於知道什麼叫腦子一片空白了...)

(黃小拓真沒用!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!竟然又被對方主動了!!!)

拳打腳踢+電影 一個下午XD

還有甜蜜小動作~




晚上自己做香蕉牛奶
正在收東西....

聽到很熟悉的可愛聲音!!!!!!

it's kristin chenoweth on tv!!!

:D

看到訪問還有聽到她唱歌:D



這就是為什麼幸福又幸運^^~~

(今天太開心了 加上要去幫媽做餅乾 所以先隨手打打= =)

聽我一直在這碎碎念著愛情的事
要笑我眼光淺短心思幼稚不成器就儘管笑吧!



寫了第一封給她的情書.
就是,一整張紙的愛.

她開始讀後,我便跑到另一邊.
連這種小地方也矛盾,
想對她訴說我的愛,又害羞得躲起來.

讀完,"Awww, Donny?"
並走向我並抱我抱住.
我害羞的大特徵:頭別過去! 我無法直視她...


嘿,妳知道耳語能聽起來多撼動心嗎?


"Don't hide..." 我還是...speechless.
"I love you, too." ......!

我有種被震撼的感覺.
也許不是是個呢喃,卻整個融化了我.

那節下課,我們第一次在學校牽手並走著.





我想,我已開始適應了吧.
這種奇特的戀情.


也因為那弔詭的點,
我表現跟以往都不同.


我不能用我曾有的態度來面對這次,
因為,太不一樣了...


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放學對話:

"我..想說...sonthing"
"sonthing?! haha~ sonthing~"
"SOMETHING! 哼 不說了.."
"說啦~"
"我愛妳."
"ahh~ (抱)也愛你喔~"



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忘了提到,

其是最勾魂的是小動作.